FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU
That suuuuuuuuuuucks. Maybe Nathan can find someone there to bite in the meantime?
Also, Kidder, you were busy “liking” this while you were also busy NOT RETURNING MY EMAIL. BIG BRTHR IS WATCHING.
Let’s not lose sight of the real issue: Dan Abrams is still a shady motherfucker.
Industry Rule number five thousand and eighty: med-i-a consultants are shaaaaadyyyyyy.
Late Saturday night, a few weeks ago. I get a text from AK, it goes something like: “Where you at?” and I’m like “Pastis, having dinner” and he was like “What’re you doing there?!?” and I’m like “Uh, having dinner” and all of the sudden I felt like I was doing something wrong. The truth was, I was on a date, and yes, I know: uncreative of uncreatives, said date was at Pastis in the Meatpacking District - everyone’s least favorite neighborhood (primary motivations: 1, the girl I was on said date with likes their steak tartare, and 2, the people-watching there is unparalled) - but I realized today that you shouldn’t have to justify eating at a Keith McNally restaurant (unless you’re Sharon Waxman) after reading Eater’s brilliant interview with him:
Tell us about your favorite customers. Any celebs been by recently? My favorite customers tend to be those who slip a hundred bucks for a table. I was given five hundred once. I would have taken a bullet for that guy. But it had nothing to do with the money. A lot of celebs have been to Minetta Tavern lately but I have an unbendable policy of never mentioning their names. Especially when it’s Woody Allan, Ben Affleck and Madonna a couple of Tuesdays ago. Or Jude Law and a waitress from Pastis on Thursday.
How do you deal with VIP’s, when there are no tables left to give? To be honest it depends if they tip me or not. If they do, they’ll have a table within seconds. If they don’t then I’ll stand rigidly by house policy of first come first serve.
What’s the most outrageous request from a customer that you could accommodate? To accompany a very beautiful female customer home who was too drunk to do it by herself. …that you couldn’t accommodate? To leave her apartment when she asked me to. I think the police were called in eventually. But I’d rather forget about it to be honest.
What’s the one Gatekeeper tool you need to do your job? Integrity and the ability to lie your head off. I’ve definitely got one of those qualities.When you’re not at Minetta or one of your other restaurants, where are you eating? I don’t get out as much as I used to but I love Maxwell’s Plum on 64th and 1st. (Is it still open?).
More here. After working for Keith McNally in three seperate capacities (and being fired each time, the final straw being me accidentally, suppposedly telling Eric Ripert to ‘fuckoff’ or something!), I can tell you that (1) the guy’s smart, hysterical, good-natured (as evidenced above) and (2) slipping someone money in a tight situation has never gotten anyone past the stand at any of his restaurants and (3) celebrities aren’t that big of a deal at his places. You know who gets a table every time, no questions asked? Geoffrey Holder. Yeah: fuckin Punjab would get a table over Whitney Port, the cast of Gossip Girl, or the biggest swinging dicks of New York any day of the week.
Anyway, perfect YM cross-promotion: Eater’s doing a panel at the 92Y soon. I’ll be there cheering the awesomely skilled Amanda Kludt on.
*yeah, I’m dating a shiska baller-ina who likes raw red meat and smoking cigarettes who says “fuck” a lot and I can still bring her home to the parents, and I will! she is wonderful/gangster. she also puts up with my strange friends.
FEELING SAD ABOUT ABE FOXMANS
Feeling sad now that I’ve been called a Jew Haterz by someone that isn’t Abe Foxman. Wish Abe would “holla” back. Try 2 b-authentic “edgy” altbro Jew in the pop culture landscape like Moses, but now it’s like I can’t live up to the expectations set for me by Heeb. Like someone found out my Dad converted and I have foreskin(z). Makes me feel like more of a lamer/Easter bro every time I say “l’chayim.” Has this ever happened 2 yall.
'dems da rules
I won’t write for any outfit that could pay me but doesn’t.
I could never intern because I no longer believe in dues-paying to any sort of media institution.
I will live with my parents until I can support myself writing. I won’t do this “poverty” scene. Ever. It’s too demoralizing and makes for shitty copy.
I will stop feeling bad about eating waffles so often.
BOOM. Fuck all y’all waffle hatin’ motherfuckers. Oh, yeah: the other thing (emphisas: mine).
31. Become an Expert at Sandwiches
Journalism Grads: 30 Things You Should Do This Summer
30. Remind yourself why you want to be a journalist [Ed. then kick yourself]
32. Learn how not to contact people for quote. It really only gets in the way.
