Running From The Hills (or "Turn Down the Noise, Turn Up the Heavy Meta")
Now that it has reached an extreme saturation point (either that, or this is the last death knell of Rolling Stone before they put Dominico on the cover and give David Fricke a coronary), one has to wonder: where do they go from here?
The Hills hasn’t proved adept at inserting “new” “characters” into the show: the slimey frog that put on his best Serge-Gainsbourg-meets-Julian-Casablancas to zip Lauren around Paris on a Vespa was mostly a moot point. And Heidi is bound to end up talking to Lauren one of these days if she has any business acumen - it’s clear that Heidi is the republican-baiting, unfashionable, transparently on-the-fringe of the two (which makes Audrina the retarded one and Spencer = Scar). This is why Lauren now harbors hate for Heidi. Any attempts at becoming her friend would seem like a transparent struggle to keep a grasp on the level of fame and in-ness that she had before - i.e. the Queen Bee dilemma - and Lauren wouldn’t want to dilute her brand.
ANYWAY. Let’s assume this happens, and The Hills gets even more popular than it is now. Let’s assume this fucker is unstoppable (which, like all monstrous systems in times of disparity seem to be). And let’s assume that - in this situation - The Hills can barely film without attracting PACKS of Paparazzi.
I get the feeling that the mass majority of The Hills’ audience don’t watch for the narrative arc* so much as to live through and hate vicariously the lives of the main characters. But as previously mentioned, The Hills has even worse writers than they do actors. Assuming the Hedi/Lauren fued ends, or Hedi stops doing the show, what then?
Go meta.
Seriously. Why isn’t The Hills talking about the popularity of The Hills on The Hills? The OC craftily did this through a meta-existence within it’s universe, a show called The Valley (and it’s counterpart, Sherman Oaks: The Real Valley, naturally). But The Hills doesn’t even need to make this shit up! It’s there for the taking: what would be a better episode of The Hills than Lauren presenting at the Emmy’s only to be booed off the stage by real actors living as themselves? She would be crushed, and her only real comfort would be to run to Stephen…who’s hooking up with his ex-girlfriend, Hayden Panettiere, who seemingly can’t be killed in HEROES or in real-life! Suddenly, a sex-tape rumor surfaces in Vanity Fair between Stephen and…oh yes, T.R. KNIGHT! Stephen hates Lauren, now, and all Lauren wants to do is love Stephen (she swears she didn’t put the rumor out there). But who did? Sarah Marshall, who thinks Stephen is low-class for her bestie (even though she’s dating Dax Shepard…debatable).
Class struggles! The entertainment news media! Higher-profile love affairs! The questioning of art-portending-as-reality versus art-seperate-from-reality-awareness! Endless fodder for Joel McHale! Hourlong episodes of THE SOUP! ANDY FUCKING WARHOL FREAKING OUT IN HIS GRAVE!
Do it, Hills. Go Meta. You can only ride this wave for so long.
Seacrust, out.