WE ARE YOUR FEK

And the winner is...

Fri, 16 May 2008 17:16:23 -0400

Fuck you in the ear with Satan’s fiery cock.

…for the best thing I’ve read today, if only because Mark has eerily articulated my feelings in regards to the eight hours that just passed. I want this embroidered, in a frame.

youngmanhattanite: Latery? Meaning, not right now. Later works well too, even though I have the...

Fri, 16 May 2008 15:34:59 -0400

youngmanhattanite:

Latery? Meaning, not right now.

Later works well too, even though I have the Maker’s shakes at the mention of a short one. Anywhere but here.

By the way - goddamnit, Brian, let’s clear the air. First, I don’t even think you’re in the tribe, so fuck you. Even if you are: talk to me about being the Boss after you’ve taken a few swims in a mikvah (without any commenters, natch). I know I can’t: the man’s more of a Goody-Jew-Shoes than I ever could be, but that’s besides the point (yet, for the record, why I’ve promised my pops my kids will be bas-mitzvah’d before he’s dead, meaning that if they have to get screamed at by Cantor Bergman when they’re four, so be it). Besides, everyone knows I’m too much of a dilettante to be The Boss, can’t hold my liquor or make a jump shot or even look like I could make a jump shot (99), and if I tried to be anything like Dana, I get the feeling that she’d beat me with my own broken off arm. It’s Curt I aspire to be. Nobody knows who he is - and I’ve actually met him - and that yields a certain air of non-bloggyness that lends itself to things like decorum and a refined lack of savagery. Good money’s on this never happening. Anyway - record straightened. Back to work.

Also, I’ve been off the grid today because I’ve been considering a new line of work...

Fri, 16 May 2008 14:44:00 -0400

Also, I’ve been off the grid today because I’ve been considering a new line of work (it’s been one of those…Fridays). I’m depressed but not surprised that this was read more than this (does Jezebel even link to blogs?), but a part of me started to rot when I remembered that I’d written this last night. (N.B. Is there a better word for a hyperlink than ‘this’? Probably a habit I should break.)

youngmanhattanite: Drinks? Please.

Fri, 16 May 2008 14:38:08 -0400

youngmanhattanite:

Drinks?

Please.

Okay, am I five past pissed, or would this make my head hurt regardless? Hasn’t this already...

Fri, 16 May 2008 01:49:00 -0400

Okay, am I five past pissed, or would this make my head hurt regardless? Hasn’t this already been written in the same place twelve different times, or is this the calm before the shitstorm? Anyway: we get it. Mormons, Hedge Funders, and anybody who doesn’t know what a blog is has a cousin who does know what a blog is and they don’t like it; they especially don’t like being blogged about. There was this nonsense..

Ms. Allen said her motivation for posting personal details was simple: ”I love to be the center of attention.”

…which was both too late and too soon, as the definitive Tumblr article has yet to be written (note to self when finishing actual post: insert links on ‘yet’ ‘to be’ and ‘written’ on three gigantic Tumblr dickfaces. Almost doesn’t matter who: throw a stone).

Denton’s line on what’s off the record was cute, too, but I’ll let The Boss take that one, since I don’t know how big of a shiteating grin he said it with. ‘Scuse me while I recuse myself - back upstairs, Margot! There’s work to be done! Meandering twaddle for my big debut into society, part deux, coming up!…

Not to get all Twittery on you, now...

Thu, 15 May 2008 19:57:31 -0400

But we’re going to be at The Creek tonight for dinner and drinks once Beau gets off of work. It’s a spectacular place. You should go some time.

Nobody reads these posts, but I don't care, because I Have Ativan and Am Lit Up Like a Christmas Tree.

Thu, 15 May 2008 13:56:00 -0400

Nobody reads these posts, but I don't care, because I Have Ativan and Am Lit Up Like a Christmas Tree.:

….it’s a shame, this inequality. Google “Laci Peterson,” you’ll get 572K hits. Google Natalee Holloway, you’ll get 918K.

Google Tamika Huston. 3,760 hits.

(via youngmanhattanite)

youngmanhattanite: Dude, seriously? Where did you go to school, Patrick Henry College? For a little...

Thu, 15 May 2008 10:03:00 -0400

youngmanhattanite:

Dude, seriously? Where did you go to school, Patrick Henry College?

For a little over 16 months, The University of Utah, which might as well be. Home to the Fightin’ Utes and the guys who lied about reporting successful cold fusion experiments (they actually have buildings built there in their names). In case you were wondering, Rick Majerus doubled as my Contemporary Feminism 2010 teacher, which might explain something. Dana, you think I don’t know who D.A. Clarke, Nikki Craft, Susan Brownmiller are? You probably don’t, because I just looked them up on Wikipedia. Fun! Regardless: appropriately schooled. But after learning yesterday, I still didn’t think that sentence served the context of his essay. To each his own, or to each his own right to be totally fucking wrong.

One Gay More - Stop bitching, les miserables, there were no snubs at this year's Tony's. (or: "What sucked on Broadway that people assumed other people didn't think sucked.")

Thu, 15 May 2008 01:36:00 -0400

Okay, theatre people. Let me indulge you: this year’s Tony’s had no snubs. Crazy, right? Wrong.

A Catered Affair was the most boring shit this side of huffing Elmer’s Non-Toxic, which, actually, would yield far more entertaining results. Harvey Firestein: did you really take it upon yourself to adapt a Paddy C. tissue-soaker into a no-intermission non-musical musical? ‘Guess you did. 90 minutes of ballads about being broke. John Doyle’s massively overrated “minimalism” did that shit no help: whoever said art was dead on Broadway was more or less right. When they rolled out that taxi at the dramatic crescendo of the show (spoiler alert - whoops!), I actually laughed out loud. How much did you spend on that effect? It looked like something that rolled in from Sesame Street. Lesson? (1) with few exceptions, actors shouldn’t write and writers shouldn’t act, and (2) Hadassah: The Musical would’ve been a far better title (and a far better show). Keep the Borscht-Belt shit where it belongs: off-off.

Young Frankenstein: The Musical. Not that the title is bad enough, but it wasn’t SPACEBALLS, BLAZING SADDLES, or THE THOUSAND YEAR OLD MAN, all of which would’ve been better material to take a musical out of. $400 tickets didn’t help. A Broadway-centric cast coupled with obnoxious quasi-celebrities (Roger Bart? Megan Mullally? Even the gays can’t stand her…) that don’t pull in tourists can’t help. Alas, greedy producers, a lesson: formulaic big-box musicals are tired for a reason - they’re formulaic, they were tired in the first place. Also, it’s the first musical since Starlight Express that has the potential to turn out at least one new epileptic audience member per performance. Fuck that very literal noise.

Top Girls, the play, is ostentatious as shit, but supposedly one of the greats. But old hat on Broadway mixed with the going-nowhere misogyny that’s prevalent within the Velvet Mafia capos? Send your regards; it ain’t gettin’ nothin’ more. Even the Bluehairs are scared of this one, and they made it through Blackbird. Jesus.

The Little Mermaid. Honestly. Won’t even dignify this.

The Farnsworth Invention? If Broadway is anything, it’s patently uncool. And not that Sorkin is by any means “cool” (Hank Azaria and Jimmi Simpson certainly aren’t), but Sorkin writes with a certain..patois..that can only be described as a feeble attempt to make an audience perceive themselves as more intelligent for digesting more words per second than any other playwright ever has before. It takes moxie. It takes a dickhead. And it’s just as transparent as it is doomed to fail. This play actually had one of the best lines in the season, too (the one about the moon landing, if you were curious). Sadly: the line got the wrong reaction because (A) the direction was off, (B) Broadway’s tourists seeing that show are kind of stupid and (C) local Broadway audiences are far too sharp to be finger-fed their philosophical bite-size rice cakes by the mind who brought you Studio 60. This doesn’t go without saying that most people in this line of fucked-up fandom take that passive-aggressive stance of “if it don’t come from theater, it just isn’t theater” to justify enjoying all the shit they pay $100 for every year instead of just watching Friday Night Lights. But, really, they just write Sorkin off as a TV guy, tried and true, which he is. Bottom line: don’t put an A & E special on Broadway, no matter who the fuck writes it.

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof is, from what I hear, a “classy” production. Classy didn’t stop one of my friends from falling asleep in it. It wouldn’t be so bad if this were one of my friends who sees theatre routinely; it was one of my friends who doesn’t see theatre at all. And when you make them shell out $200 for the one time a year they see a straight-play on Broadway with a star-spackled cast and a casting concept for what only amounts to a decent show, you deserve to be sent packing with shit in your shoes. It didn’t deserve to be nominated, plain and simple. But that’s not why Cat got “snubbed.” Remember, now, that the same things were being said about Radio Golf last year. And that Thurgood - a show not nearly as good as Radio Golf, with a Big Hollywood Star - is going to get a Best Actor in a Play for Fishbourne. Still following? Showbiz story: in the weeks leading up to the Dreamgirls film coming out, a lot of talk about the original production became a routine topic. I was talking to an agent, and he recounted the following to me: Tony Awards, 1982. Dreamgirls sweeping up. A prominent producer leans over to the agent - “You know what’s amazing about this year? It’s the first time I’ve ever heard Jesus thanked more than the Shuberts.” The agent telling the story thought this was hysterical. Truth? It was fucking racist. And so is much of Broadway, still. They don’t think so, and they wouldn’t.

Sigh. All of that being said: people calling three nominations a snub have their heads up their asses (hence: the arrogance that got these things here in the first place. Awards are just money-wasting publicity whoring on the part of an industry that’s not out of touch so much as just arrogant elite, and attention starved. Bitterness, etc….

The only thing I took from this was “Who the fuck is Andrea Dworkin and why is she such a...

Wed, 14 May 2008 19:14:00 -0400

The only thing I took from this was “Who the fuck is Andrea Dworkin and why is she such a downer?” And also, not for nuttin, but ain’t Choire Sicha buddy-buddy with some of the writers he’s describing?*

*Gender not withstanding; I mean, come on! Postcards from Yo Momma may be self-actualized, but I’ll be goddamned if that shit isn’t a book deal no less.

Since I don’t have a backstage pass yet, I’m going to put this out there as bait for...

Tue, 13 May 2008 13:56:24 -0400

Since I don’t have a backstage pass yet, I’m going to put this out there as bait for them sans commentary. I think it speaks for itself. Besides, all Jews know that the most virulently anti-semetic people they know are eachother, by hook or by hawk.

I've never linked to one of my own posts before for the sake of saying: "Did you read this?!" But really: did you fucking read this?!?

Tue, 13 May 2008 12:39:14 -0400

I've never linked to one of my own posts before for the sake of saying: "Did you read this?!" But really: did you fucking read this?!?: Nonsense. Keep your posts/hands in the a-yer.

Fake John Connor

Tue, 13 May 2008 12:22:26 -0400

Fake John Connor: Not sure I totally get it - I know, it’s a rip on the meta-tumblrs - but still: I don’t get it. Either way, anyone willing to put forth the effort for something this irreverent to exist deserves to be recognized in some regard.

Hey Gossip Girl

Tue, 13 May 2008 11:38:00 -0400

lovepuppy:

Question for tumblr’s own little Jenny Humphry:

Do you really want to start at a new school and immediately burn all of your bridges? Like, before you’ve had class with us and such?

xoxo

Holy shit. The mean girls of Tumblr are here. Don’t fuck with the Queen Bees, bitches, lest you get suurrved.

UPDATE: Scandal! Post deleted! Weak sauce! Listen: no shame in your game, until now. This place needs some ice-cold motherfuckers up in hurr - everyone likes a clean city, but nobody wants to take out the trash. Keep it real, Little J, and put it back up. Keep. It. Real.

PS - True story: I was walking home after work through Fort Greene park two summers ago with Henry, and three menacing looking men* coming out of the Walt Whitman peejay’s, and approach us on the corner of Myrtle and Portland, parkside. I’m smoking a cigarette. The largest of the three asks me not for a cigarette, but for that cigarette, the one that I’m smoking. I wouldn’t want to misquote him, but it was something like: “GIMME YO CIGGARETTE!” I rebuff him (in retrospect: stupidly) with a response akin to “Are you joking? Do you know how much these things cost, here?” He replied by growling at me - something like “GIMMEMOTHAFUCKA” - and grabbing the lit cigarette out of my two fingers. When it not only crumbled, but burned him, he castigated me: “LOOKWHATYOUMADEMEDO, MOTHAFUCKA! FUCK THAT, PUNK!” With that, he and his companions walked away. Two teenagers across the street were watching the entire time. As we crossed the street - slightly shaken, admittedly - they criticized our (Swiss?) diplomacy tactics: “If that were me, I would’ve punked that bitch! This is Fort Greene! You gotta rep the Fort Greene, baby!” To which I replied:

“I’m a white Jewboy standing in front of the Walt Whitman Projects; I like Fort Greene, but not enough to represent it in the manner of getting my ass handed to me in broad daylight.”

This having been spoken, they concurred. In regards to the above situation, they would not concurr. You have a chance to “rep the Fort Greene” where I did not. Take it, please. Do it for Whitman. He wouldn’t want punks running around Tumblr either.

*Euphamisms! Hooray!

tuneage: Cursive - “Art Is Hard” Yesterday’s Daytrotter...

Tue, 13 May 2008 10:36:00 -0400

tuneage:

Cursive - “Art Is Hard”

Yesterday’s Daytrotter session with Cursive (which includes two unreleased tracks) got me listening to them again, and I can’t believe it took this long. This track is from their album The Ugly Organ, which is more of a concept album, than an album of songs in their own right. ~~It tells the story of an ugly organist’s life of lust and empty sex.~~ The songs, however, do stand out on their own, regardless of the somewhat pretentious concept. “Art Is Hard” was the first single from the album, back in 2003.

Pretentious concept? You’re a daily music tumblr feed. And I’m not sure you ever read the linear notes. Back to school, with you.

Anyway. Forgiving Cursive of their indulgences, they’re fantastic and completely underrated. I once saw Tim Kasher play a two hour Good Life set at Kilby Court. He got so drunk (in Salt Lake City! Novelty!) he couldn’t even stand, let alone decide what to play, so he just took requests until they’d exahusted every shitty b-side nobody wanted to hear. In the spirit of masochism, more Cursive love from my short-lived, too-stoned tenure as a full-scholarship editor at The Chronic. I hope I was no older than 18 when I wrote it. Truly.

Listen.

Tue, 13 May 2008 00:44:00 -0400

There’s absolutely no way my first post at YM could’ve been anything but painful and awkward after fixating on it for so long - yes, like that first ever-chafe-y, it-hurts-but-I’m-not-saying-shit handjob - so I just decided to embrace it wholeheartedly. The pressure. You people have no idea. They might have been curious as to my silence/whereabouts throughout the afternoon* - there’s your answer. Also: it’s the Velvet Mafia’s season to sparkle beginning tomorrow, and I have to be there at 7:30 AM. Work has me bogged the fuck down.

I actually wrote out two posts and decided which one to post. You want to know how green I am? You just read it. The other one was just a mediocre timeline of Fek/YM relations, and I’m already tired of the meta for the time being (I assure you - that will be back to normal quite soon; I think I almost tried ordering my eggs “meta” this weekend. Can’t be good..).

*But also, at any given moment, they have no idea who’s who on the Fumblr. So, realistically, they probably didn’t notice at all, especally now that it’s become Survivor: Bloggy Island over there.

Better? I also engaged Brian Van in this dialogue, too. Jesus....

Mon, 12 May 2008 15:16:00 -0400

Better? I also engaged Brian Van in this dialogue, too. Jesus. Buncha fuckin’ crybabies, the lot of you are. Enough about me, already. Did you see what Dana posted today?

Okay, now that I’ve spent half of my day hunched over my monitor and cackling a la Snidely...

Mon, 12 May 2008 15:07:00 -0400

Okay, now that I’ve spent half of my day hunched over my monitor and cackling a la Snidely Whiplash, and not having gotten ANY work done, karma has finally caught up to me mid-day.

Please tell me which one of you is that “five-year-old” “Israeli kid” who keeps calling my cell. “A-lo? Ahh-lo? EEEMA!” It was funny the first eight times but now I’m ready to rip his fucking head off. Please tell me it’s one of you.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Forget dropping my books, I think I just pissed my pants. I knew I wasn’t...

Mon, 12 May 2008 13:13:00 -0400

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Forget dropping my books, I think I just pissed my pants. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere without getting jumped in.

Dana, you’re too kind, but having to follow an act like this is terrifying, dance, song*, and all (which is besides the fact that it’s already the first Google hit for “daginer”).

Finally, Katie, you didn’t make it into the writeup because I got the impression (the one that I remember, however vague) that you’re a totally decent, kind, and respectable person (at least for that crowd). If anything, I would note that you had no place being there.

*Even if The Boss did already cover this in a dust-covered, dilapidated, yet surprisingly well-preserved cave, it was exceedingly apropos (watch as I carefully edge my way into the default Stat-Boy role of YM + Associates. That was research, y’see…).

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a terrible friendship....

Mon, 12 May 2008 11:11:00 -0400

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a terrible friendship.

I don’t know where to start. I’d like to thank Deez, The Captain, 99, and Chris Cunnilingus, who knew when to quit while they were ahead. In no particular order: the Gays, the Fucking Jews. Keith Gessen, Ivy Leaguers near and far, Tumblards, The New York Times, and the big-M Media (not that kind - the kind that doesn’t go to Blakeley’s thingers..you know, the real kind) and all you despicable literary types - expect to hear from me more often; gird your loins and expect appropriate noise, lest you find yourselves unprepared. Finally, The Very Dead GG Allin, John Varvatos, and the lowly dirty-water-dog vendor: the New York of now finds itself at a strange intersection. God save you all.

But really, I hope you’re all ready for a massive dip in quality. Dana, I apologize. Everyone else - game on.

Now, to get to work: hey Andrew, we hear you have a Hamptons summer share?